“Have a nice day”

It really pisses me off how often people in America say “Have a nice day”.

You can’t even buy some chewing gum without some idiot till attendant telling you to “Have a nice day”.

You know it’s not sincere because they don’t even fucking know you.

You could be a mass murderer, but they will still say “Have a nice day”.

And sometimes they say it to you even when the day has long gone.

How can I have a nice day, if it’s nighttime already, douche bag?

Their employers probably tell them its good for customer service to say “Have a nice day.”

But it is infact bad for customer service because you know they don’t really mean it.

They couldn’t care less if you walked out of the shop and got run over by a lorry.

Have a nice day. No.

Shower curtain sir? The hooks are extra.

Another day. Another rip off.

My empty shell of an apartment has a bath and shower, but no shower curtain.

So to avoid wetting the floor and possibly slipping up and cracking my head open on the tiles, I went to a department store today and bought a shower curtain.

It said on the pack ‘with metal grommets’.

I assumed this meant hooks.

So I go home excited to be able to have a shower and wash away the cheese under my foreskin, unwrap the shower curtain pack only to find there’s NO FUCKING HOOKS IN IT.

What the fuck is that about?

Who the hell would want to buy a shower curtain without hooks?

Surely not all shower curtains are the same or have the same number of holes in them?

Is there a universally agreed standard amongst shower curtain manufacturers as to the number of holes a shower curtain should have?

If there is, they should get a life.

grommet

n. an eyelet placed in a hole in a sheet or panel to protect or insulate a rope or cable passed through it or to prevent the sheet or panel from being torn.

Unfurnished apartments

Why on God’s Earth, do apartments in America come unfurnished? I recently moved to America from Britain and am horrified to find that the only apartments for rent are empty shells.

An empty room. Four walls. A roof. A floor. That’s it.

It might as well be a prison cell. At least they come with a bed and a mirror.

It’s a conspiracy I think, to stop people from moving and to get them to buy more shit they’ve already got.

If an American wants to move apartments they have to bring their entire home contents with them.

That’s often more hassle than it’s worth. So people move with only a few essential possessions.

Then they buy the rest when they get to their new city or town, increasing demand for disposable consumer products.

Every American I’ve spoken to thinks this is totally fine. A necessary sacrifice.

But for me, a Brit who came to America with two bags, I think it’s bollocks.

Hey, at least I discovered what tramps always knew - carboard boxes are actually bloody comfortable.

I’m grumpy

I started this blog because there are lots of things in the world that annoy me. I’m British and a journalist, so that pretty much makes me the most cynical, pessimistic and gloomy bastard on the planet.

I recently moved to the United States of America, the home of optimism, positivity and life coaches. That has only highlighted my negative outlook on life even more. I stick out like a sore thumb, a dark cloud in a perfect blue sky.

But rather than lie on a psychologist’s coach or pop some Prozac, I thought I’d embrace life’s doom and gloom and complain about everything that annoys me (there’s a lot).

Hopefully this blog will become a haven for negativity (not hatred), a place for people to complain about whatever they feel like, a utopia of grumpiness, a home for people who think everything’s rubbish. Because life isn’t rosy.